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K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
01 October 2012 @ 11:15 pm
= LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

Fuck, 7.1 was epic.

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K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
12 August 2012 @ 03:15 pm
So... you know how I posted a couple of months ago saying 'whee! I am off meds and all is AMAZING AND GREAT!'? Yeeaaaaaaaaaaah.... slightly premature, hence my long silence.

There followed a couple of weeks of excruciating pain and rising panic and anxiety. Without going into too much detail, I never want to live through that again. At least it will be a strong motivator never to go on that poison again.

Of course, I had (typically) attempted to do ALL THE THINGS in the month where I finally got to zero so crazy physical and emotional shit aside, I've also been rather busy. Edited several large projects for work plus my best friend's novels (soon-to-be ebooks). Had [profile] m_a_r_i_k_s visit (so much excitement!) and as well as hanging out and seeing some sights, helped her make a music video (zero experience on my part so it was one of the most insanely stressful but coolest things I've ever done). Crashed my car in the middle of said filming (thankfully no one injured but car nearly totalled). Learnt a few life lessons in the process.

Then there were a few weeks where I slept or lay on the sofa in a kind of comatose state of shock. I am just emerging...

Fannishly, I'm ... not fannish. Or at least it's at a 5-8 year low or something ... Better to be honest about that I think. Although, [profile] m_a_r_i_k_s and I watched The 10th Kingdom (looooove) and the third season of Farscape (ALL THE FEELINGS :((((((((((((((((() while she was here. However in terms of current fandoms I'm just not that engaged and unlikely to be so quickly.

But I do miss vidding and I am pleased to see the vids coming out of Vividcon right now...

I didn't log into my fandom email account for months so it was kind of TERRIFYING. O.O I forgot that one of the reasons I stopped doing so was that the vast deluge of comments I receive on 'I'm Not Yours' (especially in the wake of Lip Service Season 2) is very bad for my mental health. :( There were one or two gems (ah YouTube comments, never change in your whimsy and bad spelling...) but wading through offensive, ignorant, emotional or unthinking comments about a show and characters I'm still heartbroken over is not fun. I guess it was good to face it because it's been a hidden pain/fear.

On the positive side of things... I've now been off meds for a couple of months. Physically I feel great, emotionally I feel more resilient than ever before, even though I've had quite the number of emotional crises in that time. Not a single one of them made me consider reaching for medication. I feel great about that and especially grateful for the liberation from side effects which I'm starting to experience--notably my low blood pressure issues are markedly better, I shake less and I lost a couple of kilos without really noticing (ok that was probably partly due to the intense filming schedule but I'll take it!).

So that's me. How are you guys????

PS. I have strangely been missing Smallville lately. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE FINALE THIS HAS HAPPENED.

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Current Location: sofa of comfiness
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
13 June 2012 @ 02:02 pm
Very quick quick post to say big THANK YOU to all who sent love and energy and support to me last week. I am doing well--I took my last medication on Saturday, so this is my fourth day off it entirely. I have a great deal of support (I was at an incredible meditation course on the weekend and I had healing yesterday) but this time last week I wouldn't have guessed I'd be off it so soon, and it helped a lot to know that people were thinking of me and believed I could do it, so thank you!! :))

The journey isn't over as of course my body has to recover itself from this medication, but right now thanks to meditation I am doing fine. I was very hungry and had a small headache the first day. Now, apart from feeling very tired/heavy and a bit unfocused in my mind, I feel great. And of course very very happy. (Anyone who has tried to come off this poison will understand that this is incredibly MILD symptoms ... almost no withdrawal at all! Amazing!)

I will post more about it when I have more brain. ;)

Love and hugs to all!

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Current Mood: indescribableindescribable
 
 
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
06 June 2012 @ 10:34 am
OK, so I haven't been whining about this at all online, but I'm finally, finally getting to the end of my medication withdrawal and I could really use some thoughts/hugs/support (if anyone remembers me, LOL!).

Short version: I've been on antidepressants for over 10 years and am finally coming off them. I'm down to 25mg of Effexor (from 300mg once upon a time). It's taken over 6 months to get from 150 mg to 25. I'm on Day 3 of 25mg and it's not fun--pains, nausea, aches, chocolate cravings... :p (ok the last bit is not so bad except I think chocolate is not so great for nausea, right?). I am determined to get through it because i have HAD IT with doing this slowly... it just draws out the agony. I'm hoping I can get to zero in a couple of weeks.

Emotionally, I'm feeling strong but just FED UP with it. I have racing thoughts, anxiety (raised heart rate) and nightmares right now but based on previous experience, this is just a result of dropping the medication another step--not a permanent state.

I really wish I didn't have to work--I'd just quit it completely and crawl into bed and be sick for a couple of weeks and then be done. But I can still do this right? I'm planning to reduce to 12.5 next week and then ZERO the week after. That's fast compared to how I've done the other 'drops' but what the hell. I keep thinking 25mg is NOTHING. They don't ever prescribe less than 75mg here anyway... so it can't be actually doing much (other than giving my overly addicted body some fake sense of normalcy!).

Anyway, any kind of cheer at this time would be most welcome!

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Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Disco Biscuit Love - The Jezabels
 
 
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
02 May 2012 @ 08:49 pm
I have spent the last days in a haze, wondering how I could possibly write what is in my heart, concerning my characters.

Now I don't have to because [profile] m_a_r_i_k_s gave it vid form in Movie Screens. So I can just sob my heart out to it instead.

under the cut for spoilers specific to 2.2 (but just as a record of my mental state, nothing more interesting)Collapse )

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Current Location: sofa of comfiness
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
 
 
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
21 April 2012 @ 09:24 pm
This episode review is coloured by the fact that I know spoilers for the rest of the season, so don't read it if you're not spoiled.

good things happen to good peopleCollapse )

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Current Location: sofa of comfiness
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K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
20 April 2012 @ 03:52 pm
Some asshole spoiled me (rightly or wrongly it doesn't really matter--pisses me off equally much) for Season 2 Lip Service, which starts today. In a comment to 'I'm not yours' on Youtube. Which... ok, I know comments sections on YouTube become more like public forums than LJ posts but it still feels like someone spat in my face after I handed them a bunch of flowers. :(

ME: 'Here, have my soul in vid form!'
THEM: *SPOILER*

I am so upset right now! :(((((((((((

This was the ONLY show that I thought might give me something I really care deeply about in the rest of this whole year ... TGW is gearing up for a Peter-focused finale (ugh), OUAT remains ludicrous, GoT is chronically disappointing to me ... I was so fucking THRILLED that I was getting a show I really loved back again.

And I'm sorry--I'm built like that, I care about not being spoiled when it's a show I really really love. I want to have a chance to live the whole journey. Of course there was every chance that season 2 wouldn't live up to the promise of Season 1, but regardless I wanted that experience...

spoiler behind cut :((((((((((((((Collapse )

PS. Yes, I will remind myself that probably that spoiling person was just in their own pain or whatevs and didn't mean to hurt or annoy others. Rational brain is rational. But waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

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Current Location: sofa of comfiness
Current Mood: angryangry
 
 
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
17 April 2012 @ 09:45 pm
Hmmmmmm. Yet another unpopular fannish opinion from moi. None of the contained-herein opinions are meant as offense to anyone (of the many millions!) who loves this show. Carry on! Be well in your fannishness! I am happy for you. But just can't agree. ;)

Summary of post: Game of Thrones, I'm not feelin' it. Season 1 was (just) OK. Season 2 is kinda tanking for me.

thoughts up to 2.3 beneath the cutCollapse )

At this stage I think I'm going to bail on the show. I was kind of hanging on to see if Brienne would be the saving grace, because I did love her so much in the books, but it looks like she won't be.

I'm so sorry, [personal profile] queenofthorns! I sincerely hope you get your Jaime/Brienne vid... but looks like it won't be from me.

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K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
[profile] m_a_r_i_k_s made a Lee vid that is the BESTEST THING of all BESTEST THINGS!!! (And I thereby recover my identity as primarily a Lee fan, vidding Kara notwithstanding! :p Apparently some things never change ... ;))

Послезавтра (The Day After Tomorrow) is full of charming, wry Lee humour (and yes, he DOES have a sense of humour!) and it's dense with detail to unpack which makes me twirly with joy.

It puts the biggest grin on my face! And sparks my love of the BSG universe, despite all its bleak content--it's about being human despite and through that.

I watched it first without subtitles, but the lyrics are GLORIOUS so I recommend using them. For anyone who is not used to them: You may need to change the file name of the subtitles to 'The Day After Tomorrow.srt' (if your player is like mine it will then play them automatically as long as they're in the same place on your computer).

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Current Location: sofa of comfiness
Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
 
 
K, Bop or Boppy--take your pick!
04 April 2012 @ 09:41 am
Title: No Light, No Light
Artist: Florence and the Machine
Source: Battlestar Galactica
Summary: "Tell me what you want me to say!" - Kara
Acknowledgments: Without [profile] m_a_r_i_k_s this vid would not exist. The work she did on it goes far beyond 'regular' beta-ing and audiencing. While it is my vision, it is [profile] m_a_r_i_k_s who gave me the space to create it and held that space for me when I faltered. Thank you, dearest!
Download: 76 MB mp4 (zipped)



Notes: These notes get lengthy, and I'd prefer if you didn't read them until you've watched the vid (and no need then either if not so inclined!. They're really a personal record of what it took to be able to make this. vidding KaraCollapse )

APOLOGY: Sorry to everyone that watched and downloaded the first version with the shitty aspect ratio! It is corrected now.

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